


You Can Hear It in the Silence

by Signsofsam



Series: I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends To This) [22]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Buddie Week (9-1-1 TV), Buddie Week 2020 (9-1-1 TV), Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26665927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam
Summary: More time, more breaths, and the words start to make sense: “Eddie, love, my love, come back to me. You’re safe, I’m here, come back to me. Please Eddie, babe, come back to me.”My love.Babe.Come back to me.Buck.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends To This) [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584202
Comments: 6
Kudos: 165
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	You Can Hear It in the Silence

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt** : Free day!
> 
> Title is from _You Are In Love_ by Taylor Swift, and man, I just discovered this song and I am, in fact, in. love.

Eddie doesn’t remember the ride home. He doesn’t remember the hospital visit. He doesn’t even remember how he got his turnout equipment off, if he’s being honest. All he can think about is the dead boy he hadn’t been able to save, and watching the flames devour him as he’d fallen through the staircase. The boy was already dead, there wasn’t anything Eddie could do to save him, and the fire had already engulfed the house, but he just…

The kid’s eyes were open.

“We’re home.” Buck’s voice is soft, but it shakes Eddie out of his thoughts, and he winces as he looks at his husband. “Eddie-”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Buck,” he answers, snappy, and he winces again. “Sorry, I’m sorry. You...you don’t deserve that.”

“It’s fine,” Buck interrupts. “I just want you to know that I’m here whenever you _do_ want to talk about it. I know what you’re going through, and...no matter what, you’re not alone. You don’t have to go through processing what happened alone.” He smiles sadly, reaching out to cup Eddie’s cheek, and it’s almost automatic that Eddie nuzzles into Buck’s wide, warm palm. “We’ll get you inside, and to a hot shower. It’ll help with all the soreness.”

“The boys-?”

“I gave them a call while you were getting looked over. Hopefully they’re in bed, considering it’s like two AM.”

“Shit, Buck, I didn’t-”

“No. You are not doing this. You are not apologizing for whatever time it is; you needed to go to the hospital, and I was more than happy to be there with you and wait if it meant you got to come home. Now, you just stay there and I’ll come help you out, hmm?” He says it like a question, but he’s out of the truck before Eddie can answer, already opening the passenger side door. “C’mon, babe, let’s get you inside.”

It’s exhausting just getting out of the truck, and Eddie can’t imagine how he would have managed it by himself, much less the long walk to their front porch. His body is screaming at him by the time they reach the front door, and he whimpers as they have to pause for Buck to open the door. “I know, babe, I’m sorry, but we’ll be there soon,” Buck murmurs, and he’s right, soon they are walking into the dark house (well, Buck is walking. Eddie is stumbling along and would probably faceplant in the entryway if it weren’t for his husband’s arm around him, keeping him up). 

Eddie doesn’t know how long it takes them to get to the master bath, but soon, Buck’s dumping him onto the toilet, going over to turn on the shower. “I’m going to check on the boys; you at least try to get some of your clothes off, hmm? I’ll be back soon.” He runs his hand through Eddie’s hair affectionately, pressing a kiss to his husband’s forehead. “I won’t be long.”

It takes a moment for Eddie to realize he’s alone, a moment to remember that he's at home and the boy he sees is in his head. He’s dead, and there’s nothing Eddie can do to save him. 

It hurts to think that he couldn’t protect that kid more than it did going through the stairwell.

 _Try to get some of your clothes off_. Buck’s given him clear instructions, something to focus on instead of the nightmares in his head, and he’s so grateful to have a husband who _understands_. 

He starts with his shoes.

He’s gotten as far as getting one halfway off when Buck gets back, and his hands are shaking from the exertion of it. He startles when Buck leans down in front of him, batting his hands out of the way, and Buck smiles at him. “I’ve got this now, old man.”

“You married me; you agreed to take care of me in my old age,” he manages to say as they get his shoes and socks off.

Buck grins. “You bet your ass I did.” He reaches for Eddie’s shirt. “Can you lift your arms while I pull?” Eddie nods, and they go slowly, inch by agonizing inch until Buck’s tossing the shirt on the floor. 

“If this was any other day, I’d be pushing you into the shower to have my way with you, I’ll have you know,” Eddie manages as Buck hauls him back on his feet, quickly getting his pants and boxers off. Buck’s laugh fills the bathroom as he gets into the show, the hot water and building steam a relief against the ache that’s consumed him. He wants to make a comment about Buck letting out all the heat when he steps in behind him, but honestly? He’s too damn tired to do it.

He remembers little of the actual shower, mostly just moaning as Buck’s slick hands massage shampoo through his hair and work out kinks in his back; he doesn’t remember Buck switching places with him quickly to shower himself, or drying off. He doesn’t remember how his husband gets him into sleep pants, or how he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He doesn’t know that Buck stays up, watching him, worrying about him, waiting for the nightmare to come.

And come it does.

Instead of a little boy he doesn’t know, this time it’s Chris, and it’s Nate, both watching him with lifeless, soulless eyes because he was too slow, too weak, too late, falling as the flames start to char their faces. He gasps awake, and all he can see is flames and all he can smell is smoke and all he can hear is the roar of his heartbeat.

But he can feel a warm presence by his side, and a solid weight on his arm. There’s sound, still too muffled to make out, but it’s not...that’s not his heartbeat. A few more moments trying to suck in breath that won’t come quick enough, and he realizes the sounds are words. 

More time, more breaths, and the words start to make sense: _“Eddie, love, my love, come back to me. You’re safe, I’m here, come back to me. Please Eddie, babe,_ come back to me _.”_

**My love.**

**Babe.**

**Come back to me**.

 _Buck_.

With an anchor point to reality that he holds onto as tight as possible, other things return gradually. First his sense of smell: Buck’s body wash and the laundry detergent, then his sight, and though it’s still dark, he knows it’s their bedroom. Buck’s hand is tight around Eddie’s wrist, and he realizes at the very end his nails are digging into his chest. He let’s go, wincing at the deep grooves in his skin. 

“It’s okay,” Buck murmurs, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “You’re okay, right?”

“The...the boys. I need to...I need to see the boys.”

Buck nods. “We can do that. You think you can move okay?”

And it’s then that the soreness rears its ugly head, but Eddie murmurs “yes” anyway and forces himself to work through the ache to stand, to walk. He forces himself to take the steps across the house, so he can check that his boys are alive and fine, both still asleep, wholly unaware of the hell his mind’s been torturing him with. The entire time, Buck stands stoically beside him, hand on his lower back, keeping him steady, his anchor as always.

It’s early enough that they can return to bed, and Eddie’s settled enough that he can handle Buck wrapping around him. “Thank you,” he whispers into the darkness.

“For what?” Buck says, pressing a kiss to the back of Eddie’s neck, still keeping him steady.

“With you, I’m always on steady ground. No matter what’s happened, in a nightmare or a dream or...no matter what, I know I have you as my solid ground.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks in advance for all the comments/kudos, and if you want, come follow me [here](https://signsofsam.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


End file.
